His/Her story: “My husband spends most of his time in the bathroom” – Times of India

His story: My husband comes home late from work and then spends his time in the bathroom until I call him over for dinner. He takes his earphones and tablet inside and that’s all he does whenever he’s at home. I am also a working woman. I come home only when my husband comes. I spend time with the kids, spend their days, cook and he doesn’t even spend time with us. It’s starting to be a one-sided marriage! They are our children so shouldn’t he spend time with them too? Is it all my responsibility? Even I get tired when I come home, but I never think about his behavior and I can’t think about it. We don’t even get time to talk to each other because even at bedtime he sits with the phone until his eyelids droop. Our fights have escalated and I fear the children will be alienated from their father. Help.

His story: I love my wife and kids but when I come back from a busy day at work I just want to relax. By the time I get back I’m so tired and the kids are so jumpy, my wife is screaming… I need my own space so I go to the bathroom for an hour or so until dinner is ready. I keep my pill inside. Why should my wife have a problem with my time? It’s not that I don’t care about him or the kids… I sit down to breakfast with them, we talk about what’s going on in our lives… what more could I do?

AIR Atman in Ravi –
Spiritual leader and founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR Center of Enlightenment

For this girl: Welcome to the club! It’s not just your husband who is doing this and running away because he believes he’s being bullied by a wife who doesn’t want to give him space and his ‘me time’. The institution of marriage is not easy and simple. Instead of ‘I’, everything then becomes ‘we’. The challenge always lies in making the marriage work. The key to an effective marriage is good communication. Calmly and patiently explain to your husband that you want to spend time with him after your busy and tiring day, share your thoughts and talk with him. May the relationship be strong and you all should spend time with him. ‘Family time.’

Complaining and nagging will do no good. You can also express your desire to have ‘me time’, where the children will be supervised by their father. Try your best to get your husband to spend time with you, if that’s what you want. Complaining and holding on about the situation won’t help. Either you take proactive steps to deal with the problem or you live with it.

For him: If your wife is unhappy that you are not giving enough time to her and the children, it is not a small problem. This can become a big problem and sometimes, even lead to separation or divorce, if not addressed. Are you ready for it? If you are, then fine. If not, then it is important to be compassionate, kind, understanding and loving. This makes sense if you’ve had a busy day at work and want to come home and relax. But have you ever thought that your wife might have had a tiring day and when she comes back she will need her ‘me time’ too? Instead, she gets into household chores, taking care of the kids and their homework, cooking for all of you. It is natural for him to be a little irritated. Understand her situation, try to share her responsibilities at home, satisfy her and see how it changes her mood. After that, she won’t mind if you take some time for yourself.

Marriage is a loving union of two people where everything changes from ‘I’ to ‘We’. But in this busy world, some ‘me time’ is important too. Communication, sharing thoughts with your wife calmly, patiently and lovingly and understanding and appreciating each other’s efforts make a marriage successful.

Marriage works only when both husband and wife work together to make it successful. Otherwise, isn’t it normal for marriage to break up? Now there are children. It’s not just about the two of you. Think about the children and put effort into your relationship.

Nidhi Bahlvats, founder of the spirit of the story:

For this girl: Screen timing is becoming more of a problem than a boon these days. However, it is up to us how we want to use the technology. You will agree with the fact that when mobiles and televisions were not invented, we humans had other ways to relax.

I am sure if you try to have fun with your family it will solve the problem. The kids will be happy, your wife will gradually become happier, and you can even spend time relaxing!

For him: As a wife, it is very important to support your husband and try to be diplomatic when you want him to support you. You can also have gentle challenges that can get your husband excited to pop into the game you’re playing. Instead of just catching up, bring in that fun factor. And even if he doesn’t want to join, you and your kids will have some fun family time.

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