Being Single: “A person shouldn’t be stated as ‘unsettled’ if they are single” – Times of India

Suchismatha Chattraj is a 31-year-old, happily single woman. She is a child of the 90s, an “old soul looking for an emotional connection” in today’s digitalized world where she believes there is no place for platonic love or sentimentality. We asked her about her struggles being single in an era and country where you’re still considered “settled” only if you’re married with kids by your late 20s. Stay tuned and here is what he shared with us.

Does it bother you when people ask you why you’re single?

Honestly, it doesn’t. When you’re an adult, people start talking and that’s okay. You can’t stop people from talking or asking questions, and if you can’t stop something, you should learn not to worry about it. This is the best way to keep your sanity. I like to smile at those who invade my personal space and ask me such questions. This is very childish of them.

Why do you think singleness is so questioned?

Well, ideally we’d progress as a society to the point where being single is perfectly acceptable and the question isn’t inherently weird, but we’re not there yet, and we may have to face climate change first. And things should be focused on. And then you know as humans it’s natural for us to investigate the lives of others more than mind our own business. All of these stereotypes are driven by the pressure to conform to long-held societal standards: have the ideal partner, shared home, children, and a person has gathered all the ingredients they need for a happy life. . And single shaming comes from many sources beyond relatives and friends.

Governments play a role by offering legally married people various benefits that single people cannot enjoy. Some believe it sends a message about the “right way” to go about life, which serves as positive reinforcement for partnered people and makes it harder for singles to let go of that idea. Don’t internalize that they are growing up.

What are some of the weirdest and funniest questions you’ve been asked about being single?

Haha, people understand such negative prejudices about people who are not partners. They think we will be sad and lonely without a partner. We are actively looking for one, but haven’t found a match yet or there must be something wrong with us that is causing us to be lonely. I have also been advised to compromise and settle with the undeserving persons according to their idea of ​​settlement. But what hurts me the most is the society’s assumption about my parents that I am not getting married to live off my earnings. Huh! At least leave them alone, they have done everything to make me who I am today – independent and great decision maker.

Did past relationship experiences play a role in you choosing singleness? What made you realize or decide that you no longer wanted a partner?

I am not against the idea of ​​marriage, in fact marriage is a heavenly bond if married to the right partner and taken care of well. But marriage should not be forced on anyone or there should not be an “ideal marriageable age”. A person should not be called “unsettled” if he is single, I mean he should first understand the literal meaning of settled.

My past relationships have not played a role in me choosing singleness, but the current idea of ​​being in a relationship that is mostly limited to fly-by-night hookups or swipes has led me to this decision. has reached There is no place for platonic love or sentimentality in the present age of digitalization. People have so many options that they don’t want to put effort into making a relationship work. But unfortunately, I’m a child of the 90s: looking for an emotional connection with an old soul that seems like history in the current age of speed.

Any advice for the ladies and gents out there who are considering single…

In recent years, social media influencers and traditional celebrities alike have spoken proudly about their single status. The partnership itself is now encouraging others to see their lack of a romantic partner as a positive, not a negative. The more you embrace who you are as an individual, I think you’ll feel freer to do so. It’s your life and when you start living it according to the advice of others, you let them control your life and that’s the worst thing that can happen to you. So celebrate your status – every journey is different and we will all reach where we are meant to be.

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